My list

Just for the record I love this medium. Completes the communication circle doesn't it? I can get feedback on my writing almost instantly! But I miss writing on paper. Mom used to pester me a lot to do that. Helps in organizing your thoughts apparently. And it does.

Now there isn't anything interesting happening in my life currently and therefore I don't have any superficial topics to write about. I'm giving all these MBA entrance exams starting from CAT to MAT... MAT being the easiest supposedly. Ever since my first year dad and almost everyone who met me kept asking me what were my career goal(s). And I told them things they wanted to hear ('I want to startup my own photography studio' or ' I want to be a cinematographer' or I'm pursuing my scriptwriting talents') so that I would appear to be a very focussed person who knows what she's doing. But obviously I didn't have a clue about what to do. Postponed the decision to the end of third year then. And ofcourse I was still undecided by the end of third year. And that remains the status quo. Though I've spent 5 months preparing for these exams I'm giving and a decent amount of preparation that too. But now that I've given two of these exams I am quite doubtful about my chances. I keep wondering if this was the right choice for me. I also don't think I'm doing this for myself. I'm probably just trying to prove to people who dont think that I have it, that I do have it! But also it would probably be evident after the results that maybe I don't have IT.. maybe I have something else. arghhhh. WHY couldn't I be one of those who know what they want to do in life from their day 1 on earth. Why is it so hard for me to figure out what to do in life? Why can't I have a very obvious talent? 

Deep down I think I know what I really want to do. I want to teach kindergarten :-). THAT is my dream job. Sadly there is this other part of me which wants to listen to all the practical advice given by parents and relatives and get a hi-fi job as a manager somewhere and show off the fat paycheks. 

But the other part doesn't want to show off. It wants me to be satisfied in life. And that part of me doesn't care about what other people think. It also doesn't want to accumulate hoards of money. It knows that if I respect and love what I do then the people who love me will full fledgedly support me. I sincerely believe that is my way to a healthy and successful life. But then there is the training I need to be highly qualified for my dream job. I don't want to use up dad's resources for that. And in this country I don't think people give a squat about kindergarten teachers. Any housewife is qualified. I think kindergarten teachers ought to as thouroughly trained as the CIA agents. Prepared for any situation that they might be faced with on field. I feel very strongly about it.

Hey I almost forgot this third part of me. This one wants to be a copywriter in an ad agency. I find that to be a very challenging job. Working as a team with the creatives and actually creating an ad of your own. Though you very rarely get to create your own advertisements but its intoxicatingly satisying when you do. 

Okay turns out I have a list of things I want to do which I'm going to write down just to reduce the clutter in my mind. But teaching kindergarten is the top priority.

Further down on my list is acting. That is there purely because I can't stand straight on stage. Actually I can't do anything right on stage. I used to be able to. But now its like a dementor sucked the ability out of me. And people, especially other actors, keep saying that anybody can act. I'm just curious that maybe deep deep deep down I'm a good actor who can be suave and confident on stage. I wish somebody would teach me acting. Though I've never actually verbally expressed that wish to anybody. Just hoping god would hear me out and send an angel to guide me.

You can also find RJaying on my list. That's again purely because it fascinates me and I can't talk to save my life. On a very talkative day you won't get more than a 40-50 sentences out of me. I just can't believe people can talk and talk so much. And I hate people who can't accept the fact that I don't talk too much. I keep hoping someone would teach me that too. Dancing too falls into this category (the ones that I want to do because I'm no good at them).

Wow I'm confused. 

 

P.S. I did warn about the self exploratory part. I bet you weren't expecting this degree of exploration. 

*to be continued...